I used Katakana the onomatopoeia way in ハー (sighing) and カキカキ(writing), the loan word way in コスモス(of course it is a mistake. Cosmos flower did not come to Japan until the Meiji period but I can't find anything better now. I will fix this in the final), and the emphasis way in ゼヒ. I am aware there are a lot of things to improve and fix in the final...
Some notes:
まって: To wait. Dictionary form is まつ. I didn't use polite verb ます form because here she speaks to herself.
だします: To send a letter.
あなたのえはとてもきれいですよ。Your couplet structure is very effective in conveying how sad the woman is. I also like your varied use of カタカナ, like how you have onomatopoeia, loanwords, and emphasized words. I was just wondering what ゼヒ means...is it a name?
ReplyDeleteLove this! I like how you expressed your katakana in different ways visually: her sigh is small and reserved as she covers her mouth modestly; the sound of her writing is close to the action but softly drawn. I also like the story - I've read a lot of old East Asian literature and often an unfortunate female character suffers from passivity and emotional turmoil that she passes.
ReplyDelete@Shi-san: Thanks for the comment! ゼヒ means "must" in Japanese and I forgot to note it... it is originally written in hiragana. I used katakana for extra emphasis here.
ReplyDelete@Jamnah-san: Thanks a lot~ you are really a brilliant observer. I didn't realise some of the details you said myself. 0__o